I never really noticed changes in my body since when I was a kid, but I was 17 when I realised my penis was below average in size as many described it. Feeling increasingly ashamed of myself and from girls of my age I gravitated towards humiliation, movies sex scenes, pornography and that only made me focus more on my anxieties. I never wanted to hear my friends talk about their dating experiences, the stories made me paranoid.
Read more:” I Was Forced to Go on A Vacation While I Was Still Mourning” Brian Chira’s Shosh Says.
I used to take pictures of my penis anonymously and upload the pictures on Instagram and facebook, sometimes on Reddit and the comments were all about how small it was. This hit me and most of my times I was depressed. I could find myself reading insipational quotes about men’s penis enlargement. My mental health was becoming worse, was my penis really below average as they said, or did my mind tell me quite a different thing.
I tried to hook up with different girls from my neighborhood and school but nothing worked. In male-male hook up culture, I was afraid of dating, put off sexual activity and I was even ready to abstain from sex altogether to remove myself from the risk of being humiliated, or feeling shamed. Penis size continued to broadly present as a joke in popular culture as well as social media, this greatly affected me. I couldn’t understand why someone would joke about someone else penis.
Read more:” I Was Forced to Go on A Vacation While I Was Still Mourning” Brian Chira’s Shosh Says.
I remember when I first tried dating with one of my classmate but it didn’t work out, I was ashamed of even having sex with her and we broke up even before a week was over. I was now 25 years old and I had never dated again, which I attributed to my low self- esteem. I was moody all the time.I did think in a good and loving relationship, each partner would accept each other faults, and that was what I tried to do but the other partner wanted sex which I couldn’t get the courage to give.
I knew most girls and women rejected guys for penis size and they would make fun of him. I had explained to my bestfriend about it and for some reason or another I felt safe I had someone to talk to, but It wasn’t long enough before she started being rude and never turning up to our meetups and that was when I realized she too never wanted anything to do with me.
I knew there were a million factors, about dating, about making fun with your girlfriend but for me it was a dream idea, I couldnt help tying them all up with having a small penis. I used to blame my inability to date on anyone but me, and for a while I gravitated towards involuntary celibate groups, but I soon realised that their ideology was somehow toxic to the society. I don’t believe women owe men sex at all. I used to watch pornography all night and masturbate myself, but sometimes seeing performers and actors with huge and enormous dicks greatly bothered me. I used to convince myself they were unrealistic and it was just edits knowing that my 2.5 inches erection was well below average to any man.
I was single for more than 5 years now and I felt like I was trapped in a permanent state of rejection from girls due to my looks and penis size. This all lead to my self-loathing which I had tried to work out for more that three years now. I used to think that a girl who loved me would work around my shortcomings and go as far as using sex toys but I stopped looking for a relationshi because I knew it wouldn’t work in either way.
In the interest of smashing (having sex) I was always ashamed. Growing up, I just thought I had a small penis and that everyone was not really interested in it or even me. I didn’t know why it was such a big deal to everyone but I knew that it was something not to talk about, hence the stigma, shame and embarrassment.
I had tried therapy around different places but it was difficult to relate given my situation. Guidance and counselling wasn’t working too. Most counsellors couldn’t understand the situation I was in and how I always felt. I did wish people would stop judging men on things they have no control over. If we had the power to fix somethings then we could have fixed ourselves over and over.
I gave myself the hope of loving ourselves despite our body appearance and that everyone deserves a second chance but that was hard to accept especially when your body was seen as undesirable or even a joke to the society. This lead to a very serious mental health issue and low self esteem I couldn’t get out of our house with the scare of getting humiliated infront of my other friends.
At one point I even thought it was due to my ethnicity that my penis was small, because most people would say being an half cast could lead to having a small dick. It was when one of my therepist referred me to Kiwanga doctors and explained to me how they had helped her daughter heal from epilepsy. I had hooked up with them and a few days after I received medicine from them I started noticing changes with my penis. It was starting to grow and this made me happy. Six months later I was hooking up with different girls from social media and also my neighbor place. It’s now been two years and a half and I have two children and my wife enjoys the sex I give her.
Kiwanga doctors help in treating various diseases like typhoid’s, cancer, blood pressure among other diseases.
They help solve problems like penis enlargement, height problems, face rashes and permanent face scars. I would recommend anyone with any kind of problem to visit Kiwanga doctors. No problem is permanent.
For consultations call+254 769 40 4965 / E-mail kiwangadoctors@gmail.com or visit the website www.kiwangadoctors.com.
